As Told By Aya
by Transversal
Summary: The very diary of Aya Fujimiya - private, top-secret, and for your eyes only. See how he views the world around him: Weiss, flower shop, and of course, the fangirls!
1. The Flower Shop

As Told By Aya-----Diary Entry One [[The Flower Shop]]  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Aya Fujimiya, otherwise known as Ran, nor the rest of Weiss Kreuz. They belong that to the lead singer of the actual band Weiss Kreuz, whose name I have currently forgotten. I cannot sing, nor would you want me to. So that person is not me. Honestly, people.  
  
###-----  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Ugghh, that sounds awful. Like something Omi would say, no offense to the kid. How about:  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
That's even worse. Too much like Aya-chan. It won't do at all. Let me think….  
  
Dear Book that I am writing in to express my feelings,  
  
Much better. Now, moving on to the actual content.   
  
Such bliss this current peace is. Ken's out teaching his bunch of midgets how to play soccer, Yohji's gone on a date with another prostitute, and Omi's at school. No one here but me and the flowers in this flower shop. At least until school's out, that is. Then It comes. Or rather They.   
  
Stupid God-forsaken school girls. Don't they have SATs to be studying for? Apparently not, since they come here every single afternoon. Ken, Omi, and Yohji had better come soon. I will not deal with these… things… without backup.   
  
Wait a minute, is that a fan girl headed for the shop? School's not suppose to be finished for at least an hour. God, there's more! No!! Go way!! Holy s***, I forgot today's holiday schedule! Now they're multiplying!! Maybe I can hide behind this plant in time. Just three more steps and I-  
  
Too late.  
  
I immediately find myself very absorbed and interested in a water lily, and start giving it extreme amounts of water. It's a water lily. It'll live.   
  
Dear lord, there's a lot of pink in this room. A lot of fuzz as well. What do girls see in those pointless objects? I remember Aya-chan showing me her pink teddy bear once. It was gigantic! The hair was everywhere! Besides, who makes pink teddy bears!?! Aren't they suppose to be brown? Stick with tradition, people.  
  
The pink is increasing. I'm getting blinded. Weiss, where are you? This is Abyssinian calling in with an urgent signal for help. Requesting backup stat!   
  
Some girl with long blonde hair is coming towards me. They all are, actually, but this one's moving ahead of the herd. Closer, closer… I need a getaway plan. If I can just sneak down to the basement I may have a chance. Not possible, since about a dozen girls are blocking it. There's always the front door. Or the bathroom. They wouldn't follow me to the bathroom, would they? Better not risk it.  
  
I turn. Some girl is clinging onto my arm and smiling at me. No use, girl. Save it for Yohji. Her face is coming closer. Jeez, don't these females have any respect for a guy's personal space? Look's like the answer is no. More girls are approaching. And more pink. Have I told you how much I hate pink? What an appalling color. Red always suited me more. Better yet, black. Yes. Anything but that bright pink.  
  
Another girl is clutching my other arm, nearly dragging me down. I give them my famous icy glare, but it seems to encourage them more. A huge urge is coming over me, making me want to grab the nearest cacti and scream, "I've got a cactus and I'm not afraid to use it!"  
  
Yohji would laugh his pants off. He does it anyway, every night. What is so great about sleeping with thousands of women each week? Is the man not aware of AIDS? At any time or day, he could get the disease and die. However, no such luck yet.  
  
Perhaps having Ken here would be a better idea. On second thought, no, that wouldn't. Having Ken might actually be more dangerous than the fan girls. Just last week he knocked an entire shelf full of roses on me. Did I mention those roses had thorns? Many thorns, that is. More thorns than petals, in fact. Anyway, the idiotic bloke was carrying a huge load of basket of laundry downstairs. So huge, it reached past his head and blocked his vision. Ken + Blocked Vision = Much Pain On My Part. So he was taking them downstairs to the washing machine when he tripped on one of Yohji's cigarette cases. Damn that useless chain smoker! One day he'd better get lung cancer for my troubles. Serves him right. As I was saying, Ken fell backwards, and his thick head banged on the shelf full of roses, which toppled backwards itself. Luckily, I was quick and did not actually get hit by the shelf. However, the roses were flying everywhere, and before I knew it, guess who had thorns stuck in their butt!   
  
It had not been a pleasant experience. Worst of all, the other threesome cracked up as soon as they saw my state. Aya Fujimiya, assassin and florist, with thorns practically on every inch of his body. Do the words, "Medical Attention" ring a bell? I could've died then. I think I partially did, or was that just passing out?   
  
God, more females approaching. And more. And still more. Do teenage girls multiply or something?  
  
Thank the lord, the rest of Weiss are coming in. Finally. My enclosed space has stopped being so enclosed. Oh wait, the blonde is coming back. Headed towards me and….turned to the right! I live once more. I think that's all the girls coming in today. No, one is getting closer to the door. Another one also getting closer to the door. A little too close. Time to back away now. No, don't go in. No. NO. NO!  
  
Ahem. It appears my hands are going to be full for quite a while now. I shall write more when the time comes.  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Aya 


	2. Yohji's Ramblings

As Told By Aya-----Diary Entry Two [[Yohji's Ramblings]]  
  
Disclaimer: Must I repeat this for every chapter? Seriously, I mean. How could I own Weiss Kreuz, or anything related to it? I suppose, for all you legal people looking to sue innocent fanfic writers such as I, the answer is no, I do not own Weiss Kreuz. Don't rub it in.   
  
###-----  
  
Dear Book which I express my feelings in,  
  
That's too long. Highly unsuitable for a diary of a person with my caliber. I should give you a name, but what shall it be? The perfect name…..hmm….. How about, Aya-chan, after my imouto. Excellent. What could be better?  
  
Dear Aya-chan,  
  
Another boring day in my life. I seem to have too many of those lately. Wonder what happened to all the good ones?  
  
As usual, it was ruined by the nutcases surrounding me, a.k.a the rest of the Weiss assassination team. Whatever did Kritiker see when picking them?  
  
More so actually, the day was made negative by that worthless Kudou. With all his drinking, smoking, and "joys of women" as he calls it, he should be in heaven by now. Or it's opposite.  
  
He constantly opens his mouth day and night, but sadly the only words I hear coming out are, "Blah, blah, blah…" Usually in these situations I simply zone out and daydream about killing Takatori. Lucky I'm so good at it, or else Kudou would've ranted even more about how I don't listen to him. Do you know how much he lectures? All over some fuss about how I treated those annoying girls in the flower shop yesterday. Apparently, I should've been "kinder and gentler. After all, they can't help that we guys are so gorgeous, and provide the perfect view created by God alone." I told him if they wanted to see something pretty, they should go take a picture. It'd last longer anyway.  
  
Blah, blah, blah….you shouldn't be so stoic, Aya….blah, blah, blah….those girls can't help themselves, you know….blah, blah, blah….Ken, pass me the fried chicken….blah, blah, blah….what you need is to lighten up….blah, blah, blah….maybe if you had a girlfriend, I know some people you could….blah, blah, blah.  
  
See how boring it is?  
  
So maybe I'm exaggerating I tiny bit. Big deal. The stuff he says is still junk. Do you know how many times I have been told to "get my act together with the females?" Do you know how many more times I have told him to shut up, go away, made some lame excuse, or pretended I needed to use the bathroom? I swear, he now thinks I have some constipation problem and should consult a doctor. I do NOT need to go to the doctors. Never.  
  
Guess who doesn't help the problem? The only good Omi and Ken ever did was installing a second bathroom for my getaways. However, ever since Omi went on that health kick of his (God knows he's enough of a skeleton as it is) and started eating only tofu at that tofu shop down the street, he's been in the bathroom practically every minute. But do I hear someone telling him to go to the doctors?   
  
  
  
Ever since that incident with the girls, Mother Hen has been in face too much, for too long. In the flower shop, at dinner, even in the showers. If that man ever thinks of poking his head in when I need a wash, I am spraying him with the shower hose. No two ways about it. Better yet, I could squirt shampoo at him. Maybe add in a couple extra ingredients to make the result sweeter.  
  
I'm even considering telling him I'm gay to get him to stop. Unfortunately, that probably won't work, since he'll probably take it that I'm in love with him. Ah, the difficulties of knowing someone so vain. Not to mention the rest of Weiss might think that as well. Perhaps if I told them I was asexual and disliked contact with men and women alike. But then things could get ugly at the flower shop with the girls.  
  
You know what? This could all be a plot planned by the others. Maybe it's their objective to annoy me. Or is there another reason to it?   
  
It's Takatori, isn't it?  
  
I knew it! Weiss is plotting against me! This was all a setup to bring me down and get Aya-chan. Well they won't succeed. Not against me, they won't. I know if Yohji heard me now, he'd think I was overreacting. Well I'm not! Really, I'm not! You believe me, don't you? I'm serious, this has to be a setup! Yohji's lectures have not gotten into my head! Stop looking at me like that!   
  
Oh. I get it.  
  
You're also against me! How very sneaky of you, of all of you. Well guess what!?! You're a book!! And since I own you, I get to do what I want! Including shutting you and never opening you again!! So there! HA!  
  
*three minutes later*  
  
Oh, I forgot to sign off. Here it is then. Wouldn't want to end my victory without proper format. Take that Takatori!!!  
  
Sincerely, (not to you, Weiss, or anyone associated with your plot to get rid of me)  
  
Aya 


	3. Omi and the Lessons of Life

As Told By Aya-----Diary Entry Three [[Omi and the Lessons of Life]]  
  
Disclaimer: I'm too poor to own Weiss Kreuz, manga and anime, period. Lets just leave it at that.  
  
###-----  
  
Dear Aya-chan,  
  
Evidently there was no plot against, and the whole assassination situation was not a setup for my ultimate demise. It was an easy mistake to make. Everyone has their moments. Because of this, I've decided to write in you again. Happy, aren't you?  
  
However, that doesn't make things better. Not at all.   
  
You see, today could only be described as memorable, but in a bad way.   
  
Curious?  
  
It's alright, I understand. You're dying to know.  
  
Right?  
  
Good.  
  
Interestingly enough, the issue began not with that inadequate Kudou, but with Tsukiyono, or rather, TAKATORI!!!  
  
As I was saying, it started when Mr. I'm So Great 'Cause I've Got Black Lungs Kudou started bragging about one of his latest sex escapades. Talk about one-track mind. Of course, Ken joined in the conversation as well, knowing his nature. Seeing as Omi and I were there as well, we of course, said our bits as well.  
  
This does not mean I'm a horny, smoking man like Yohji. God forbid the day that happens.  
  
Omi, being the young, innocent boy *coughTakatoricough* that he is, started asking the questions about the matter. A seventeen year old boy wondering about sex. What is wrong with this picture?  
  
Yohji, being the adult, crooked man that he is, felt the need to explain and "enlighten" Omi about the subject. So he puts an arm around the high school senior and gets that dangerous look in his eye, one that says, "I'm about to do what I think is right, which actually means it's wrong, but since I'm doing it, it has to be right, though in reality if I do, that means it must be wrong." At least that how I interpret it. And how it usually ends up.  
  
I, being the leaderly, no-nonsense man that I am, turn away and continue chopping turnips for dinner, while pretending I'm part of the furniture.   
  
Ken, being the idiotic, curious somewhere between boy and man that he is, hops in for the explanation. Upon seeing my stoic, red sweatered back, he immediately shouts for me to listen in as well. I give him a grunt. Never being one to catch onto subtle hints, he yells that he'd rather hear the uncorrupt version from me than from Yohji. Omi cheerily agrees, and Kudou puts on a smirk.  
  
This is where the scene gets ugly.   
  
Me, Aya Fujimiya, stoic assassin and cold-hearted florist, explaining to a seventeen year old, an ex-soccer star, and some guy who's been with one too many girls sex? No. No. Never. And no. Life doesn't work this way. It never has - it never will.  
  
But do the other three follow the path of life? The answer can only be described in pity I have for myself at being in the company of these people. What joy.  
  
I take a deep breath.   
  
And another deep breath.  
  
And one more deep breath.  
  
A man's got to get his lungs going, you know.  
  
I wedge myself between Omi and Yohji and begin, extremely annoyed and somewhat embarrassed.   
  
"Omi, do you know where babies come from?"  
  
"The stork, of course. Everyone knows that. But why are we talking about birds right now, Aya-kun? What's that got to do with anything?"  
  
I feel sorry for the poor boy. I'm going to have to speak with his teachers and the school board about their education system. I mean, the stork!?! Where did that come from? And for a boy his age!  
  
"No, Omi. Babies do not come from storks. The storks are only a story."  
  
"Really?" Ken butts in. "So that picture my mom once showed me of that bird wasn't the creature who gave birth to me… No wonder I don't have wings."  
  
I refrain myself from any comment. With much effort.   
  
"It actually starts when a man and a woman really love each other."  
  
"Wow. Does that mean Yohji was deeply in love with all those hundreds of women he talked to on the phone?"  
  
"Er, no, not quite. You'll learn about that in a second. What I'm talking about is the natural way, not when men get horny and uh….Like I said, Omi, a man and a woman have to really love each other. They go to a bedroom-"  
  
"Why a bedroom? Why not the kitchen? Or at school? Or in the snow? It's really fun there, you know."  
  
"It's a bedroom because….it's comfortable and has a bed. That's that, Omi. A bedroom."  
  
This is the most mortifying moment of my life. Isn't this what sex-ed is for? Omi had better not have been asleep when class was taking place. Perhaps letting Kudou taking charge would be a lot easier. No, I won't let Ken and Omi be corrupted. It's bad enough one of us does what they do every night. If that multiplies, I'm not going to be getting any sleep soon. I will not give in.  
  
"Then the guy puts his….thing…in her, uh….thing, womanhood, whatever you call it. Wait, vagina! That's the word! Vagina, vagina, vagina! Remember that vocabulary, Omi. It's vagina."  
  
"Got it. Vagina."  
  
"Yes, and uh, that's it. I have to use the restroom now, excuse me."  
  
"Wait! I still don't get it!"  
  
Gritting my teeth, I plop down on the sofa once more and mutter a, "Yes?"  
  
"That's it? Yohji told me things a lot differently."  
  
I glare daggers at Yohji, who seems to have done a horrible job at attempting to shrink and be smaller. He starts becoming very interested in the hole on the side of the couch and starts playing with it. Meanwhile, I start my lesson again.  
  
"Okay. The man's semen goes into the vagina and joins up with one of her eggy-thingies and uh, creates a baby."  
  
"That's quick. Hey Yohji, are all the women you slept with pregnant now?"  
  
I smirk at the bewildered look on his face. Good for him. Even Omi now recognizes the consequences of his actions.  
  
"No, actually. Aya here will explain to you all about it. A simple misuse of words, really."  
  
He grins at my bewildered now. Evil man. I huff, and puff, and blow Omi away with my clarification. Almost.  
  
"Not quite, Omi. You see, sometimes the semen does get to the egg. Sometimes it's blocked. If it does get through, the woman takes nine months to fertilize the egg, and then it's a live baby. Understood?"  
  
"You mean, kind of like pollinating?"  
  
"Um, sure. Just like pollinating, only with humans. It's the birds and the bees all over again."  
  
"So when people have sex, the man is spreading his pollen to the woman, right?"  
  
"Yes, something like that. The man is the bee, or the bird, or whatever, and the woman is the flower. This is sex."  
  
"Oh. But Aya-kun…does this mean…are we…PLANTS!?!"  
  
Jesus Christ. What are they teaching high school seniors in that school of Omi's? How can humans be plants? Didn't they study biology and viewed the difference between plant cells and animal cells? This boy is even sadder than I thought. Even Ken wouldn't get that notion. I think.  
  
"Omi, we are animals. Not plants. Sex is NOT the same between plants and animals. What we are dealing with is animal sex. ANIMAL. Put basically, two people have intercourse by….uh….you heard my previous definition. Now is everything clear?"  
  
"Yeah, sort of. One more thing, though. I hear this a lot from Yohji and well, would like to know the definition."  
  
Stupid Kudou. Slathering the kid's mind with your corrupted terms and then making me explain them. And you call yourself a man!  
  
"What's a virgin?"  
  
"Well, you see…um…a virgin is someone who hasn't had sex yet."  
  
"Oh. Can I ask one more question?"  
  
I was almost about to explode. This is what teachers are for. Bother them with your questions about virgins, not some assassin who just wants to chop turnips for dinner in peace!  
  
"Are you a virgin?"  
  
Kudou and Hidaka just about crack up at this point, Hidaka being the one clumsy enough to actually fall off his seat on the couch. Snorts and snickers are everywhere. I swear, even the lady walking past the flower shop stopped to get my answer. However, guess what brilliant action I took at this moment?  
  
I went to the bathroom.   
  
Pure genius. And if they ask me again, I'll simply pull out my katana, give them my icy look, and ask if they've planned their funeral yet. Diabolical of me, isn't it?  
  
Once More,  
  
Aya 


	4. Assassins and the Beach

As Told By Aya-----Diary Entry Four [[Assassins and The Beach]]  
  
Disclaimer: *sarcastically* Yes, people, I own Weiss Kreuz and all things associated with it. Really.  
  
###-----  
  
Dear Aya-chan,  
  
Have I ever told you how much I despise the beach? For Yohji, it's a good excuse to try out his new thong and to show off his body in order to attract more females. For Ken it's a good way to get legal exercise by swimming, running, playing volleyball, etc. For Omi it's time to go make sandcastles and collect seashells for another one of his little collections.  
  
For me it's murder.  
  
But not quite. Similar though.   
  
But not quite.  
  
Not everyone loves the beach, you know. There are about a million things wrong with it, reasons I have tried endlessly to get into the minds of my fellow assassin. Unfortunately, they seem to ignore my pleas and even give me excuses for my analysis of the shoreline. In the end, through hard work and immense effort, guess who wins?  
  
Them.  
  
So on a bright, sunny, Saturday morning, a morning that could've been sleeping in and even reading, I was dragged down to a coast not far from the flower shop. To make matters worse, I was not allowed to drive and therefore had to sit with the enormous plastic, floating shark that Omi insisted he bring along. That thing will scare everyone at the beach into running away. Not that I'm complaining. You'd think the day couldn't have gotten shoddier than it already was, wouldn't you.  
  
Well you're wrong. And so am I.  
  
They made me wear trunks. Magenta, Hawaiian shorts - the kind with the big flowers printed everywhere. Supposedly, according to Omi, the little shorts expert, it "brings out the color of my eyes." I couldn't give a damn about my eye color if my life depended on it. I don't do trunks. Ever. Personally, I'm a pant person who prefers covering every inch of their body beneath the head. Still, I was told that if I didn't comply, someone was going to work full shifts for a month at the flower shop. Alone. With the fan girls. I shudder at the thought.  
  
Of course, being the genius that I am and having a solution for everything, I put pants over the shorts. Weiss can moan and groan all they want, but the pants are stuck to me legs for life. And the end of the trip. When threatened with the fan girls, I calmly snatched out each of their diaries and warned them that I would read an excerpt from each of the journals. Embarrassing, mortifying, unreadable excerpts. Lucky I don't keep my diary where people can just snatch it and read. This is the value of actually being organized.  
  
After half and hour of driving, we arrived at the beach, clad in our trunks, me in my sweater and pants. God, I can already feel the sun doing horrors to my skin. I'd like to keep myself pale, thank you very much. So I quickly open and setup an umbrella and dodge under it. Can't forget the lotion, now can I? Even with an umbrella, I'm still in danger. But not for long.  
  
The others glare at me, which I ignore. Humph. Those guys have nothing on me. Only I have the true icy glare that is so useful. Everyone else may as well never open their eyes again.  
  
I take off my sweater to reveal the shit I have underneath. This is only a statement of me being too warm. I still refuse to remove the pants, though.  
  
I examine my surroundings. Yohji's being enveloped by a pack of females, all whom are sighing and drooling over the man. I can't say I didn't expect this, but honestly, do people have nothing better to do? Ken is playing volleyball with a group of….girls as well. And apparently enjoying every minute of it. I suppose it's a beach thing. Oh well. I know Omi won't let me down. He's too young to have his little female friends accompany him anyway. Where is he again? Oh, now I see him. He's on the far end of the shoreline, swimming with his puffy green shark and laughing with some….girls.  
  
Is it me, or am I getting a pattern here? If this continues, I should be the next one surrounded with girls, right? Fortunately, I don't see any currently headed this way….look to the left….and no, wait yes, no, yes, yes….oh dear. Time to crouch down below my umbrella and pretend I'm sleeping. Maybe they'll be attracted to one of the other's instead. No, that won't work; they've already noticed me. Think Aya, think. You're running out of options here.  
  
"Aya-kun, lunch time!" Omi's voice rings out from afar. Oh how I cherish that wonderful voice at this moment. Never again will I scold him for hogging the bathroom when I need to make my getaways from the rest of the world. Well, maybe occasionally.  
  
I scramble upward and about, dashing as quick as my legs can carry me. I realize this must be an odd sight: a grown man in a white shirt and black leather pants scuttling about, especially when my magenta trunks are starting to peek out of the pants. Still, I go forward and snatch the sandwich made for me out of Omi's hand and scoff it down.  
  
Ten minutes later I decide to go and get some actual exercise on the beach, and not just hide underneath an umbrella all day. My resolution is that I will go for a quick swim, and hop back where I was before. Sadly, this means I have to take off my beloved pants and adorn myself with that near pink piece of clothing. No matter. I'll just sprint in and out of the water before anyone witnesses my clothing.   
  
I take in a couple deep breaths. I must admit, this day really isn't too bad. The water isn't too cold, the weather not too cold, even Weiss have stopped pestering me for the moment. I don't know why Omi was so worried about me entering the water. Something about my health and how I shouldn't move around so much after I just ate. I, of course, just snorted and hurried to take off my pants before Yohji's snickering level reaches maximum. I swim into the middle of the ocean. What a fine day it is.  
  
Spoke too soon. A cramp is building up in my sides, and my entire body feels numb. God, I'm sinking! Somebody help! The water is flowing higher and higher. I feel myself moving downwards….down…down…  
  
I hear a lot of noise. Is this heaven? Have I died? My eyes lay unopened as I struggle to verify what's around me. Voices….familiar voices….Ken, Omi, Yohji…. Oh God, if they're here, then this must be that other place. Wait, but they haven't died yet, have they? Must be due to lack of my leadership.  
  
"He's breathing, guys! I think Aya's back!" Omi's tone shoots into my ears. Back? I'm back? Then that means I'm not dead after all?   
  
"His eyes aren't opening though, and he's not moving. Are you sure? Maybe you should give him CPR or something?" I hear Yohji ask from a couple feet away. Immediately a rush of feet are heard, and what seems like a ton of girls come by, whispering and chatting noisily. Did Yohji say CPR before? Is that what the girls are for? No, I tell you, NO.  
  
"I'm not sure Aya would like that too much, him being who he is and all." Thank God for Ken. At least someone here has a mind of reason.  
  
"Then what? Omi, do you know any other methods for getting Aya conscious again?" Yohji ponders out loud.  
  
"Well, I don't know any other way completely, but I did see something like this on TV. I think when the guy was waterlogged, another guy jumped on him or something to get the water out of his lungs. I know! Lets pounce on Aya so the water will come out! Everyone, get ready to leap as hard as you can on the count of three. One, two-"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
I spring to life in that bare second, roll over to the side, and grab a seashell in defense. Jump on me and you will find a long, pointy shell stuck up where the sun don't shine, even if it wanted to. All three guys immediately chant my name in unison and grin at me, happy to have me back. Hn. If they had been any happier, I would've ended up dead by now. I know how much these three eat, and do not want to feel the full force of their weight.   
  
I glare at each of them, and then find myself horrified to be still wearing those magenta shorts, right out in the open. Seizing my pants, I slip them on halfway, then run to the car with black jeans flying everywhere, and a bright magenta flower exposed where my butt is suppose to be. I hide in the car for the rest of the day.  
  
Never again am I going to the beach. Never, you hear me!?! The moment I get back to the Koneko I am setting those shorts on fire. Then feeding them to the Venus Fly Trap downstairs. One day I am going to sue the company that made those, and let them suffer my humiliation!  
  
Rather sunburned and a bit hungry,  
  
Aya 


	5. The Good, The Bad, and the Bunny

As Told By Aya-----Diary Entry Five [[The Good, The Bad, and The Bunny]]  
  
Disclaimer: I finally remembered the name of the owner of Weiss Kreuz!^^ Alright people: WK belongs to Koyasu Takehito, not me. Know that before I forget the guy's name again.  
  
###-----  
  
Dear Aya-chan,  
  
Do you know how aggravating a rabbit can be? Omi insists on calling it a "bunny," but that word is just so…ughh… Reminds me of something cute, white, and fluffy. Guess what the kid decided to call it?  
  
If you guessed Fluffy, sadly, you guessed right.  
  
It was dark, gloomy afternoon. The clouds blocked the sun, and all around us was a sea of fan girls. A chilly breeze blew into the flower shop, and my sixth sense immediately detected that something not involving Takatori was wrong. I should of known something foul was afoot when I heard Omi singing in the showers. He only does that when he's happy, and when he's happy, we're not. This is partially because of the fact that Omi can't actually sing, though we assure him he can, fingers crossed. Poor boy. One day he'll find out the truth when the time comes. One day.  
  
But back to the rabbit, or Fluffy. You'd think I was talking about a cuddly, small, albino breed and was simply being a coldhearted assassin when describing him. That's where you're wrong. Deadly wrong. I always knew something was wrong with the youngest of Weiss since the day he started talking to his imaginary pet duck, but nobody expected this to come out.  
  
On a ominous, murky Tuesday afternoon, Omi barged into the Koneko with a enormous, extremely hairy, black spotted rabbit on a leash. That thing is no "bunny." More accurately, it's a two foot tall, 107 pound Dalmatian look-a-like who has teeth the size of Montana and the personality of a potato - pointless and aggravatingly difficult to peel. I bet it probably once belonged to that disgusting man who ran over my sister.  
  
Of course, looks are nothing. It's personality that counts, right? Well, let me tell you one thing: THAT VILE OVERGROWN RODENT SCRATCHED MY PICTURE OF AYA-CHAN!!! No one, and I mean NO ONE, touches my pictures of Aya-chan and gets away with it! It's bad enough having people damaging the real person without giant hairballs doing the same to the images.  
  
This is where my vengeful spirit and all my years of assassin training comes in. If Omi's little "bunny" thinks he (or is it a she?) is going to get away with the crime they dealt, they can return to wherever the kid found them. I mean it.  
  
Fluffy was going to have his hair knocked off. Not literally, I mean. It's sort of like that thing with the pants falling off, only this time it's the hair knocked off, since he knocked and scratched the picture, except you can have your hair scratched off. Well maybe. Oh, never mind, you know what I mean.   
  
Thus began the epic battle: Fluffy versus Aya Fujimiya, fighting over the honor of his beloved Aya-chan's picture. You will be rooting for me, right?   
  
The next day, early in the morning, three actually, I snuck out of my room, assassin armor on and katana in hand, and crept into the kitchen, where Fluffy slept. It is my plan to take him (or her. I really need to find out the guy's gender sooner or later) out in their sleep. Call it a favor to Omi for sparing the rabbit necessary pain for destroying a work of art.  
  
It would be nice to say everything went according to plan, that in the morning when everyone wakes up, they would see a blood stain on my katana and find out that an assassin from Takatori apparently came in the night to take us all out, but fortunately the brave and honorable me took them out before they got the chance. Disappointingly, that would be a lie.  
  
I was approximately five steps away from the despicable animal when suddenly it's eyes popped open and it sprung away. I attempted chasing it a while, but do you know how fast a knee-high rabbit can be? The bloke practically rampaged into everything in its way, knocking down whatever was there. I was leaping all over the place, grabbing dishes and potted plants to prevent the rest of Weiss from waking up.  
  
After an hour of chasing after the creature, there we were in the living room, armed and snarling at each other. We had our distances, and eyed each other with much distaste, though I think Fluffy may have been glaring at the broccoli bits that had gotten stuck to the front of my coat.  
  
In a flash a stuck out my sword and raced at him, ready to slash out, when he charged at me as well. Head hit crotch as the animal bounced backwards while I lay on the floor in pain. No, this cannot be how it is. I will not lose to some rabbit!  
  
I hopped forward and we each bared our fangs at one another, the rabbit's being a bit more intimidating. However, the worse was yet to come, for at that exact moment, while we stood unmoving, guess what Fluffy did?  
  
He let out a GIGANTIC FART!!! One that stank up the entire room I might add. It even beat the time Yohji let out a wave of stink in the elevator - and we still had twenty-four floors to go! I could've passed out from the smell alone. Taking advantage of my sudden weakness, Fluffy leapt towards me, eyes flashing. Reaching out, I tried to escape, yet was knocked down by the tremendous weight of the rabbit. You know what he did next?  
  
HE NUZZLED ME!!! RIGHT IN THE FACE TOO!!! I think I died right there and then. Or at least my face did. I pushed him off and stretched for my katana, only to find that it too had been smashed. Looking around frantically, I saw one of Ken's soccer balls. Snatching it I hurled it towards Fluffy, who was once again charging towards me. I tell you, I refuse to get nuzzled again! He dodged it, and growled viciously at me, something I thought only dogs could do. Didn't I tell you he was a Dalmatian look-a-like?  
  
At that point everything seemed to go in slow motion. I jumped towards the cloud in a frenzy, reaching out as if I was swimming. Fluffy was hopping towards me in little bunny movements. Did I just say bunny? I meant rabbit. If everything was in regular motion, or even fast motion, I may have stood a chance. Sadly, the rabbit flew forward too fast, and before I knew it, pain engulfed me like that time at the beach.  
  
"OWWWW!!! HE BIT ME!!! THAT GODDAMN CREATURE BIT ME!!!" I howled in misery and pain has the rabbit tore what seemed like a good chunk out of my leg. Blood flowed freely, and soon pools were on the floor. I tried to strangle the animal, but tripped over a chair. I grasped my weapon and held it out, ready to strike, when all of a sudden Omi, Ken, and Yohji along with another one of his one night stands barged in.   
  
What they saw was a twenty year old man lying on the floor, katana out, ready to murder a seemingly innocent rabbit.   
  
"FLUFFY!" Omi shrieked. Honestly, I had no idea his voice could go that high. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM, YOU FILFTY MURDERER! HOW COULD YOU!"  
  
A murderer? Me? Look who's talking Bombay!?!   
  
"LOOK AT ALL THAT BLOOD! WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU, MY POOR FLUFFY!?!"   
  
Apparently they don't realize that the blood happens to be mine. But am I getting any comfort or support?  
  
"It's okay, Omi-kun. Fluffy's still alive," Yohji replied calmly while trying to soothe the hysterical boy.  
  
"NOW HE IS, BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER!?!" Must he continuously glare at me like that? How would you feel if the photo of the only family you had left got scratched by some hairy animal?  
  
"Don't worry, we'll have a talk with Aya later," Ken mutters while also glaring at me. In fact, they all seem to be. It's starting to become rather frightening, when I think about it. I don't suppose they'll notice a bleeding, crouching man on the floor anytime soon, will they?  
  
"YEAH WELL-hic," Oh lord, now the boy's hiccupping? What kind of crazy scene is this?   
  
"-IF HE EVEN THINKS-hic-OF HARMING ONE HAIR-hic-ON FLUFFY'S HEAD THEN…" And this is how it continues for the rest of the morning. You know, I think a couple of our neighbors three miles away probably heard Omi's complaints. The most idiotic thing about the whole situation is that right now, I'm still lying on the floor, leg visibly bleeding and coat containing hairs who knows where. Hey, that rhymed! What do you know, I'm a poet! Aya's a poet!   
  
Uh, as I was saying, um, the next morning was a slight repeat of the original night. Interestingly enough, only as the flower shop opened that day did Ken ask me, "Hey Aya? Was your leg bleeding last night?" He just noticed. You know, I think it ten out of ten normal people realize right away when someone is crouching on the floor, leg bleeding, that the person is in pain. But of course, Fluffy is way more important than the leader of Weiss. See how good of a job he does trying to battle Schwartz.   
  
Fortunately, Omi has stopped pestering me and sticking post-its on my door reading "Bunny Harmer" and "I Like To Slice Open Poor Innocent Rabbits With My Katana." In fact, he's been a lot more secretive lately. All of Weiss, excluding me, seems to be as well. If I wasn't thinking clearly, I'd think they were plotting something against me, and no, this is not like that time Yohji constantly bothered me until it became point of insanity. This is real. Or not, seeing as it's Omi, Ken, and Yohji I'm dealing with. I must be insane for what seems like the millionth time this week. Still, I swear I saw a blueprint and Schwartz's business card the other day…  
  
As usual with a slightly bleeding leg,  
  
Aya 


	6. Seven Gay Guys and Me

As Told By Aya-----Diary Entry Six [[Three Gay Guys and Me]]  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz or anything associated with it. I repeat, I do NOT. The power lies within Koyasu Takehito and all those who helped bring it about, etc. Got it?  
  
Authoress's Note: In Chapter Four there is a line that says, "I took off my sweater to reveal the shit that was underneath it." Please know that the word "shit" was meant to be shirt, only I forgot to type in the "r." I can assure this was entirely by mistake, and I did not at all mean to swear more than necessary to make the story make sense.  
  
###------  
  
Dear Aya-chan,  
  
You know, this is beginning to sound too much like a letter. Better choose a name of a person I don't know. How about…Lloyd? I've always liked that name - pity my own parents didn't name me that. I think our neighbors may have once had a cat by that name, but oh well. Its not like I'm going to write to a cat. Really, people.  
  
Dear Lloyd,  
  
Today was absolutely creepy beyond belief. Wait, that sounds girlish in a sense, but whatever. I understand I'm a wanted man, but what occurred in this period is rather overboard.  
  
I think the rest of Weiss is gay.  
  
Don't get me wrong here, I'm still straight as a stick - a straight stick mind you, not the bendy kind. I realize that after many previous events, you might believe me to be slightly psychotic, if not full time insane. But I assure you, I'm not. Now stop looking at me like that.  
  
It all began when the four of us were working in the flower shop. As usual, Yohji was accompanying his girls, I was plotting a tiger lily, Omi was swarmed, and Ken was doing who-knows-what. Until I caught him staring at my butt.   
  
The horror, the horror. Now for part two.  
  
I glared at him icily, but apparently my ass was more interesting. He continued to look, nearly walking into a wall while at it, but still staring.   
  
Then Omi did it too. Slowly, bit by bit, I saw him take quick glances at my butt. Then my chest. Then my face. Blush. Blush again. Butt once more. Shame on that kid, thinking such things at his age! Must be a Takatori thing.  
  
I ignored it that night, thinking that I probably had something like dirt or a flower stuck to my butt, chest, and face, never mind the fact that I myself never noticed. It went well after that.  
  
Until I got a pain in my legs from the night with Fluffy. Do you know, Omi has know insisted on bringing him along during missions. An assassin team and their mascot rabbit. Very intimidating. Especially once they get a good look at the animal. Not to stray onto another ranting of bunnies and my leg - well, partially my leg, but that's not the point.  
  
Let me recollect myself. I experienced pain, and was rubbing the bandaged part of my leg, when Yohji offered to give me a leg massage. Suspiciously, I asked what was with the sudden act of kindness. He replied that he felt he acted wrongly the previous night and was too harsh on his decision-making and wasn't thinking for me as well. To make it up, he would do me a favor. I saw no harm in, so I agreed. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn that the man's hand brushed past my butt more than a few times. And I don't mean the light, accidental brush, but the kind where you stroke brush. Yes, Yohji stroked my butt. I was well aware of it. When asking him if he touched my rear end, he would go and pinch my leg, causing me to yell out in pain, and therefore go off topic into what kind of massage was this.  
  
The following night, I thought nothing of the event, only that I had probably hallucinated or something. We were up against Schwartz as usual, me slashing this way and that, until ORACLE LIFTED UP MY SHIRT!!! This was definitely not my imagination. My rival swiped at the black cloth surrounding my stomach with his gun, and deliberately sent it sky high, making EVERYBODY STARE AT IT!!! I even saw a drop of drool on the right corner of Siberian's mouth. That sick man. I always knew soccer turned him funny. So I whacked down the shirt and physically tackled Oracle in vengeance of what he did.  
  
About five minutes later, Bombay had shot down Telepath with a dart, causing him to "accidentally" focus his head and his aim the wrong way, SENDING MY SHIRT FLYING FOR THE SECOND TIME!!! Once again, EVERYBODY STARED!!! This time, however, Berserker drooled as well as Siberian. Someone's going to find an unpleasant object stuck in their ribs very soon if they keep this up.  
  
The next night me and the rest of the assassin team were watching a horror flick while eating popcorn. I had no fears, since the movie was highly gruesome and was a huge turnoff. Who flirts while seeing people decapitate each other? I sat on the far left end of the sofa, Omi next to me, Ken after that, and Yohji the popcorn hog on the very right. I mentally breathed a sigh of relief as to finally have a comfortable moment with the other three.  
  
Until Omi snuggled up to me and put his head on my shoulder. I leapt up, knocking the seventeen year old over and receiving odd looks from the others.   
  
"Er, Ken, didn't you say you wanted a glass of water to go along with your popcorn?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes you did, REMEMBER!?!"  
  
"Uh, sure Aya, I'd love some water."  
  
I raced over to the kitchen to find something that could stall my time. What that boy was thinking, snuggling up to me!?! That's the sort of thing he'd do with Fluffy, not yours truly. God, why can't he snuggle up to Ken instead? Or Yohji even? Wait, I take that back. Maybe not him. I know people simply can't resist me - the proof is here everyday in the Koneko at approximately 3:30. What is wrong with these people!?! Am I the only straight guy in here!?!  
  
Hell, even the cat's attracted to me now. Go away! Scat! Bad cat! No, do NOT rub Aya's leg. Go back to Momoe-san now- STOP HUMPING MY FOOT YOU HORNY FELINE!!! I FELT THAT, YOU KNOW!!! QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU PERVERT!!!  
  
I run to the bathroom and lock the door. Safe, but for how long?   
  
"Aya?" Omi's voice calls worriedly.   
  
"Uh, what do you know, the toilet's sprung a leak in the, uh, ceramic…bottom…part…thingy. Can't leave it like that, you know…eh, heh, heh, heh…"  
  
"Do you want any help?" Three pairs of footsteps seem to get louder and louder.  
  
"NO!! I mean, no! I'm fine here, thanks! Go back to watching the movie now, I'll be out in a second." A very long second, that is. If I'm to be confronted with the love I was never aware of until now, it had better not be in the bathroom of all places. Or a bedroom. Or in the living room. Or anywhere, really.  
  
STOP EYEING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU BOOK!!! DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR MIND!!!  
  
Oh wait, you're a book. Uh, never mind that comment. Still, the problem is nonetheless sitting there on the couch eating popcorn at this very moment as I write. What I need is a plan. Yes, a plan. But what…  
  
*In the living room*  
  
"Maybe we should tell Aya it's a get back joke for what he did to Fluffy. He's been in the bathroom for an awfully long time," Omi voiced with a hint of concern.  
  
"You think he's constipated?" Ken eyes widened.  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised after all that chicken he stole from me at dinner," Yohji drawled, still munching on popcorn.  
  
"Yohji! Those were his chicken you originally took from him!" Omi scolded the older man.  
  
"Really? I seem to remember a different story…" Yohji's eyes floated into a dreamy state. "Ah, those chicken…"  
  
"Not to go off this amazingly interesting topic, but what are we going to do about Aya?" Ken nagged his other two teammates.  
  
"Don't worry. He can't stay there forever, can he Chibi?" Yohji puffed out a ring of smoke.  
  
"I told you not to call me that!" the younger boy whined. "And yes he can, if he sneaks out the bathroom window. Which he may being doing so as we speak."  
  
"But it's two stories tall. Aya would break his leg. OH MY GOD! OUR LEADER IS IN DANGER!" Ken jumped up. "LET'S SAVE AYA!"  
  
"Uh, let me think about that…and…no." Yohji arched his eyebrow at the brunette.  
  
"Ken's right. What if Aya really does get hurt because of our prank?" Omi wondered thoughtfully.  
  
"Let me think about that again…and…no. You heard me. Balinese is staying right here where the seat's soft and the food is good while nobody takes it."  
  
"Fine then. Ken and I will go and be good friends to Aya, and you can tell him why you weren't there to send him to the hospital."  
  
"OKAY PEOPLE! OPERATION: SAVE AYA IS NOW IN SESSION! LETS GO OMI!" And together the two went.  
  
*Back in the bathroom*  
  
Do I hear footsteps? Two pairs of footsteps? Ken and Omi's footsteps. Why are they here!?! NO! They're coming closer! I can hear them now! NOOOO!!!  
  
*With Ken and Omi*  
  
"Okay, lets knock together on the count of three. One, two-"  
  
"OKAY I ADMIT IT! I'M STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT AS A…A…A STRAIGHT OBJECT! I AM NOT GAY AND AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU GUYS! PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME IN PEACE!" Aya burst out of the door to face two confounded men. "NO! NO! NO!" He starts to jump up and down, stomping his feet, fists clenched. Grabbing Ken's collar, a malicious grin on his face, Aya begins to laugh insanely. "I DON'T LIKE YOU! I DON'T! AT ALL! HA!"  
  
"Uh, I'm sure you don't." Horrified, Ken looks towards Omi for help.  
  
"Eh, heh, heh…actually Aya-kun, it, uh, was all a prank really. You know, for the Fluffy incident." Omi spreads a sheepish look on his face and scratches the back of his head.   
  
Aya pounces on him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT WAS ALL A PRANK! NO, YOU PEOPLE LIKE ME! I KNOW YOU LIKE ME! YOU ALL LOVE ME! YES, YOU DO!"  
  
At this point Yohji walks in. "I don't suppose you people know where the remote control is, do you? Oh, hi Aya. This isn't a bad time, is it?"  
  
*Three hours later*  
  
Grr. Those idiotic people I have to deal with…I am going murder them one day. Oh yes, lets play a joke on Aya making him think we're all in love with him! How amusing - NOT. Humph. They are going to rue the day they ever brought that filthy rabbit into the Koneko and created all this mess. I can't believe they even paid Schwartz to be in on the plan! I really need to tell these people one day how the pool of blood on the floor was actually mine. How about a little too much salt in their food tomorrow, or a pile of Fluffy's droppings in their bedrooms - did they ever think about that as a consequence? Well, they will very soon…  
  
Unhappily, but at least without three gay men and an enemy gay team attracted to you,  
  
Aya 


End file.
